Update- Tuesday, July 15

Well, I just spent about an hour writing a post and then lost Internet connection as well as my post. This one may be a bit shorter, but here we go.

My little bubble of feeling "strangely calm" was burst early this morning with a visit from one of the NICU doctors. Adam and I were just waking up when she came in and proceeded to tell us just about every horrible possible scenario that can occur in the world of premature babies. She started her information session by telling us about President Kennedy's 34 week premature baby who died and even though it was 45 years ago, it happened. I guess her point wasthat is can still happen. I have no idea why anyone would choose to begin this kind of speech in this manner because I barley heard another word she said. My mind felt like it was on overdrive trying to process each horrible sentence. I heard various unsettling words that I don't even want to type, but it was all very scary. I understand that the NICU docs are probably required by law to tell us all of these possibilities, but her delivery could certainly use some work. I had not allowed any of these thoughts to enter my mind. I had been worrying about what kind of labor I would have and whether or not Baby C will have the coordination to breastfeed. These other scenarios had not even been on my radar. Dr. Doom seemed be gone as fast a she appeared leaving Adam and I just staring at each other, shell shocked and trying to process of this information. I immediately tried to protect my crumbling wall of calm. "I am sure everyone in this unit has to get that same speech", I scrambled. "She didn't even have my chart. They must just tell everyone the same thing, regardless of their personal risk". That is about as far as I got with by intellectualization before bursting into tears. I finally lost it. Adam just climbed into the bed with me and held me as days of fear and anxiety poured out.

Luckily, my OB came by about an hour later and really helped to ease our minds. She assured us of the rarity of most of the risks and reminded us of his healthy size and and strong vitals. She said there is a reason the 34 weeks is our cut off point for inducing in these situations, because most of them do fine. Baby C may not even have to go to the NICU. We have also had friends sharing inspiring stories about people they know who have had premature babies who were just fine and are thriving now. Several personal friends who are also doctors (even one who is a very well respected OB here) have also been very reassuring about our situation. I feel like I am in very good hands. Even though my birth plan has changed enormously, all I want is for him to be OK and I know we are in the right place. We are still going to try for a vaginal delivery, but who knows what will happen tomorrow. Having him and getting him healthy and safe is all I care about right now.

I would like to talk moment to thank everyone who has e-mailed, called, posted on my blog, come to visit, and kept us in your thoughts and prayers. Adam and I are overwhelmed by all of the support we have received. We feel incredibility loved and supported. I believe this is the reason we have been able to maintain any semblance of calm as we anticipate the next couple of days. I plan to try and respond to e-mails as I can. Although it was wonderful and an amazing distraction, we have had so many visitors and phone calls, I have had little time for any other communication. Tomorrow may be a bit calmer as we prepare for the big day. Just know, even if I haven't have a chance to respond, I have been reading the e-mails and posts and they have been an amazing source of strength. I plan to do another post tomorrow, but after that, it may be a while before I have a chance. We will do the best we can to keep everyone posted as your support has been so precious.

Thank you all so much. Adam, baby, and I feel truly blessed.

P.S. I hope there are not too many misspellings in the post. The nurse gave me an Ambien not too long ago............ good stuff.