Update

Well, today was a very busy day. Adam, baby, and I are still at St. Mary's. We all spent a restless night in the labor and delivery unit. The nurses nicknamed the baby "wild man" because he kept moving around and they would have to come in every twenty minutes and adjust the fetal monitor. Although it is always reassuring to hear movement, it was not conducive to getting much sleep. In addition to that, we would hear the occasional bloodcurdling scream of a woman in labor. YIKES!!!! Plus, I was just anxious to get some more information, my mind just couldn't shut off despite my exhaustion. Going to the bathroom, which also seemed to occur around every twenty minutes, was also quite an ordeal. I had to unplug the monitors, and the IV and drag the the IV with me to the bathroom while trying not to bump into anything and wake up Adam. The worst was when I would let myself start to worry about my baby and what would happen in the days to come.

We did get some more information today. I had an ultrasound earlier and got to see the little guy again which was such a relief! He was sucking on his hand and he had one foot up by his head. He looks very crowded in there, it's no wonder he wants out! He is facing head down (what a good boy). It's very hard to tell what he really looks like, but I really think his profile looks like Adam. The ultrasound indicated that the fluid levels were good which was also a big relief. He weighs in at a whopping 5.7 pounds (I knew babycenter.com was off a pound or two). Although everything looked great, the ultrasound alone was not enough to determine if my amniotic sac had a small tear or leak, so I was examined by my OB who could tell pretty quickly that I am indeed leaking amniotic fluid. Apparently, anytime after 34 weeks, if there is even a tiny hole in the amniotic sac, the risk of infection to the fetus is greater than the risks associated with a pre-mature baby at this age. So, it looks like we are having a baby on Thursday!!!!!!!!!

They are giving me some steroids right now to help accelerate baby's lung growth. After two doses of the steroids, one today and one tomorrow, they will induce labor with pitocin. The plan is still for a vaginal delivery; however my OB warned me that there is a chance that I could then go into labor but not dilate. The contractions brought on by the pitocin are apparently very strong and can only go on for so long before putting the baby in distress at which point I would have to have a c-section. I am hoping that doesn't happen, but right now I am just praying that he is ok, however he comes into the world.

Physically, I am feeling fine. Emotionally, I think there is some switch in my brain that has turned off, or maybe on, but whatever it is it's holding me together. It may just be a defence mechanism; maybe my brain knows, on some level, that I cannot fall apart right now. I have to hold it together. Like it's telling me, "Do not open that emotional door just yet". Part of it may just be being in the hospital and feeling safe. I had several mini-breakdowns over the weekend when I was so unsure of what was going on and what I should do. Whatever it is, I feel strangely calm.

My amazing friends, family, and of course husband probably play the biggest part of all. Everyone has been so supportive with visits, phone calls, and e-mails. My mom went to Baby's R Us and bought the travel system and co-sleeper we hadn't gotten yet. My mom and dad both came to the ultrasound today. Adam has been amazing getting things settled here and at home. He is totally holding it together too. I am such a lucky girl!

For me, since the very beginning, being pregnant has such an exercise in letting go. There is really only so much planning you can do. I suppose is must be some sort of crash course to try and prepare you for parenthood, which I can only imagine must be the most delicate balance of holding on and letting go. Just thinking about it makes me want to hug both my parents and hang on for a while. OK, there's some emotion, and my cue to sign off for the night. We are in a new room (off the labor and delivery ward) which is much more comfortable than our previous accommodations. I am no longer hooked up to a continuous IV and monitor, it is very quiet, and the bed is much more comfortable. Hopefully, we will get some quality sleep tonight.

Thank you all again for all of the support. We will keep you posted as we can.

Blair, Adam, and Baby C.